Im alive, i swear... ok so i don't swear but you get the point. Sorry for not writing in so long and such but it's been a time of no internet, moving, no internet and babysitting. Sigh. I actually forgot about this blog also...
It's been an interesting time full of highs, lows, asexuality and lots
more. I'll try to find time to update a bit more frequently but more
then likely (knowing me) I'll spend that time reading or crocheting.
Part of Me
Its a part of me.
It trys to control me,
But i dont let it.
I fight back!
If it makes me high,
I get up and dance.
If it makes me low,
I lay and think about
How much my sister must love me.
To run to and fro to get me carbs.
And when my blood sugar is just right,
I know i will be to.
If a three year old can do it,
So Can I!
Biwako, wife of the 3rd hokage Naruto- This much pain would kill a man but women are strong!!
My favorite quote from the entire series. Why? Because I've seen the women in my life be thrown a lot more stress and B.S. and get the worst of it. As i grew up i Found that half the women put themselves into that situation
"It could be worse"
Low, hungry, alone
It could have killed me.
Mom was there,
sitting beside me.
Watching me try,
learning along with me.
A new "normal"
Finally home again,
My friends rush to my side,
speaking only words of comfort.
When I told you
The first thing you said was,
"It could be worse"
And as true as those words were,
They were the last words i wanted to hear.
After reading this post on Six Until Me's blog i was both laughing and crying a little. http://sixuntilme.com/blog2/2012/04/so_much_bigger.html#comments
Reading it a second time brings tears to my eyes still, but this time only a smile. I couldn't imagine being diabetic at that age. I was 17 almost 18 when diagnosed. I learned quickly what was happening with me and what i should do.(it help when they leave that text book, the pink panther book, alone with two avid readers. The only big problem we had was who got to read the book first.
At that age I had never heard of diabetes, never meet anyone with it, never knew such a thing could exist. Now i know how many how to deal with it at that age or earlier. My biggest inspiration is Elise, the heroine of Death of a Pancreas. After i was diagnosed i spent hours reading her mothers blog trying for a glimpse into what i may have to deal with. Elise was celebrating her first birthday when her mom was told she needed to go to the hospital.
May their days be filled with blessings...
I am 19 years old. I would define myself as "One in a billion" Meaning there are only a handful of people like me. I always believed that true love would be very, very, VERY hard to find for someone like me. Not impossible but pretty close. So when I had a dream where I found my "soul mate" it really messed with my head. Lets go back a bit.
I found and listened to this song called "Neptune" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6n_haufgsoE) I was up till 5am listening to it over and over again. When i finally fell asleep i had a dream...(as a note most things in my dream where earthy colors i.e. the locations and such)
The first parts fuzzy, but i remember being outside trying to get somewhere or do something. It was kind of like a spring or some such place, and there were some trees near by. (note this next part doesn't take place in my dream but is more like memories from my dream self) I was taken down to an underground??? place and meet several people. From the way they were organized i think they may have been shape-shifters. After talking to people and taking a test to prove they could trust me something happened. I don't know what but it was major.
Of the four people besides me in the dream two possible hated me. One i think wanted to use me as a tool to gain power. One was the alpha and had a mate, one i think was his son and my true love. I have i vague image of what he looks like. Any of the others i would reconise if they were real.
(Back to the actual dream part) After everything went down i went to take a shower. First greedy man showed up followed by the alpha. He said something about seeing me from behind and only knowing for sure that it was me if he saw me again. I think he wanted to see me naked so all i stuck out was my head. he said that yes it was me he saw and left. Alpha stayed for a bit, pacing and thinking. I starting crying saying how i loved the before mentioned boy, then alpha left. Next the girl, roughly my own age, dark blondish hair wearing a coin belly dancing top (one i own in real life) came and watched me from above,. I had finished crying by this point, and i came to relise two things. One that she was human, two that she may hate me but she may be the only one i could trust.
I cannot describe the feeling i woke up with. Only that i can say i wanted to go to sleep to see what happened next. I couldn't cause i was already late for breakfast. I still don't know if i ever saw my true dream self's love or if i was in danger or how much danger. I get the feeling that all the males i meet in my dream started to fall in love with me. I still have some of that feeling i woke up with and it makes me pause...
And by the way, you can't blog from a nintendo 3rd. At least I can't. But whatever! It's 5 am and it's way to hot to slew in my room. In the midle of winter. When we just got our first real snow fall. When just a day ago it was cold in my room. Dang roommates who control the thermalstat. Not that I've been sleeping well lately anyway... sigh. Oh before I forget, the reason I haven't posted in a while is cause it seems every winter our house turns into a mouse vacation home. To date the have chewed through the cords for our wii sensor bar, the laptop charge cord, and just barley on out new video camera charge cord.
Life goes on now doesn't it... Whatever. I have no right to complain at the moment.
So my friends and I go to anime conventions and we have big plans, anime expo the biggest anime con for example. But the big debate Is to drive or to fly. I would prefer to drive but flying might be cheaper. I'm worried about flying with D, but if I have other choice I will. I have to get over that fear eventually, especially if I plan on forigen travel ( which I am). That it for now can't think so hot just because someone doesn't know about conservation!
There are many things i can say about Anime Nebraskon. It was the first convention i every went to. It was the first real place i went with diabetes. But let me back up for a second. It all begins at school. Nothing more then a friend from anime club mentioning a convention moving to omaha and asking if i'm going. At the time it seemed more like a dream, actually going. But as a birthday present my dad gets my sister and i tickets. (As a present to me not her) About a week before going at the mall (where i almost began this story) I am reading manga when one of the workers comes up and we end up talking. She ends up bringing up nebraskon. After her friend shows up, we also find out that the random guy in the manga section is also going. That's six people in one spot. Amazing quwinkidink.
All those good times and the con hasnt even started. When we do finnaly make it, it quickly becomes the best weekend i ever remember having. We already knew the place from being to the resort water park. Which is a really nice place. The people there were just as amazing. Everyone was friendly and entertaining. Of course i don't know why they keep giving them duct tape but thats another story. (lets just say Duct Tape amoeba) all the people i talked to were Great, though i mostly stuck with the people i knew (Just that first year though.) And when two of the staff members did the team rocket motto during the opening ceremonies, I couldnt imagine being anywhere else.
The pannels, the reason you would go, were so much fun. The was hardly an hours time when i had nothing to do or nowhere to go. Anything and everything seems to happen there. Including Hello Kitty parties to martial arts demos. There is always something for everyone. It's somewhere i would suggest if you can go, you should. Check out there web site. Google them. If you in the area and are interested in anime and manga, going is not something i've known anyone to regret.
P.S. if i had the chance i would have worn my crochet kimono around to propmote it and enter the contest they had this year for free tickets, but my photographry couldn't make it. she was also my ride around. I mentioned it in my anime iowa post (nebraskons better) Not that i haven't worn it around and talk about nebraskon but, getting free tickets for it would be nice.