Thursday, September 1, 2011

I'm alive... I think

Ups and downs, but isn't that the whole definition of Diabetes?? Not that long ago i was running higher then normal, especially after lunch. Then i went lower for a day or two and now i'm back to normal. Just in time to go on vacation and have everything be turned on its head again. Sigh...
  I never feel a a loss for words but sometimes i stop to try to convey then in the best way. Right now how im feeling is one of those things. Conventional words like mad, sad, angry, and worried don't seem to cover it. It 's much deeper and more complex then that. But maybe i've done enough with just those words. I want to cry and scream but i don't, because i know none of that will help. In fact stopping for those kinds of things would probably just make it worst. With adds the the above mentioned feeling. It almost makes me wish i was a weaker person, that i would let myself fall down and cry. But i contuine to stand on my own two feet and i refuse to regret it.
   What i really need is someone to talk to. Yes i have friends and they are amazing, but that also makes them biased. I also keep in mind all that my friends have going on themselves so sometimes (ok all the time) I'll hold back what i say. It's bad enough i have to deal with it, why should i make them go through it to. And i just noticed, for all the fact i'm a crybaby, i still refuse to cry in front of them. These are the people i trust the most and i still feel a disconnect with them. Maybe because they all have someone whom they are so close to that not any force known to man can separate them. Someone who shares their soul.
   Lately there has also been this feeling that something (someone) is missing from my life. Whoever you are... Could you please...